Get the name of the counselor
See what the professional has to say about your ability to meet her demands and the “talk to my lawyer only” restriction.
Look at the bills you have paid in the past and contact those doctors to see if your child has been treated lately and if any charges are outstanding.
Contact her attorney in writing and ask that the medical bills be submitted correctly and that she use your TRICARE insurance.
Read through you divorce papers and see if she is required to make the child available for long distance visitation.
Her attorney may be your best option for getting her to comply.
Your chances for custody would greatly improve with your eventual retirement and move to Florida.
Every time she takes the issue of child support to court you can ask for more visitation and address the smoking and lack of communication about the welfare of your child.
You are maintaining a very even and healthy attitude. Keep up the good work.
Be pro-active not reactive.